#i cant help but keep thinking that they want me dead. i know theyd be better off at least. maybe its because they said that before. this.

[nightmare8-420]

cw sh

its taking literally everything in me and then some to not fucking open a fucking vein or two. i just cant do this shit anymore. whats the point. whenever i think its getting better it just gets fucking worse.

[mysimsyuri]

ok im just putting this here cuz its Technically lore for my self.ship au but it doesnt. revolve around my si. i just had a Very vivid image while high the other day and i need to get the lore Out of my head lest i explode and die

ok so listen to me listen hear me out cmere listennnn: sha.wn spe.ncer dysphoria.

ive Mentioned that i hc him as nb but i think he only realizes in canon like,, after the show maybe . HOWEVER videos prescence definitely changes a Lot including shawns gender >:]c

so in my au shawn tells jules he isnt psychic a Lot sooner so what happens in deez nups (thanks episode titles) goes Very differently ! mainly in that there isnt rlly,, a fight ?

like ok. the entire time shawn is a Bachelor hes at a Bachelors Party and hes a Guy and hes wearing a suit that feels like its choking him and his dad is having a talk with him about being a Spencer Man and not continuing the cycle. the entire day shawns been having this,,, feeling that Wont go away and all of this only serves to make him feel worse.

so he chugs the prosecco and comes back to jules, and just sits there kinda miserable while she talks. she notices theres smth not right w him and tries her best to pry it out of him, but he just. cant. she goes on abt how if he rlly doesnt wanna tell her he doesnt have to, but that she Does love him and he can always come to her for anything. things have been changing a lot recently, what with marlowe and lassie and rachael and gus, but she assures him that they all still love him, and that hell always be their boyfriend-

shawn breaks at that and as jules tries to figure out what she said that went wrong, shawn tells her that gus will want to dance w her, and he leaves the party early.

then in right turn or left for dead shawn kinda,, avoids jules.

(shawn knows by this point that shes trans. theyve known video for years and while vids made a couple jokes abt shawn being nonbinary (mostly spurred on by shawn saying out of pocket things abt gender) they never like,, made her feel like she had to be anything. shawn appreciates it but now she wishes shed asked for help because oh god,,, she wants to get to know herself better and actually feel comfortable in her own skin but she is Terrified that jules and lassie and gus are going to leave her. shes known gus her whole life and the change might be the straw that broke the camels back, lassie is. well. lassie, and jules... shawn wants to Marry jules, as much as That thought scares her. shes sure shes the one and the idea of her leaving Hurts.)

so shawns out here concussed, dysphoric as all hell, covered in blood, and preemptively heartbroken. havin a time!

they dream of a scenario where the night had gone differently, where theyd told jules and shed been incredibly supportive. the girl is dead, sure, but hey, shawn can be nonbinary!

jules, on the other hand, is trying to talk to shawn but they keep avoiding her and she doesnt know why. she thinks they might want to break up with her, which hurts like hell, but if thats what they want, who is she to stop them? if only theyd Tell her.

so after the case is solved and jules saves shawn, she all but Drags them home to actually talk.

jules just straight up tells them: shawn, if you want to break up with me, do it. its okay.

and shawn just,,, breaks down Sobbing. they tell her Everything, how scared they are of losing her and how Awful theyve been feeling and aaagh. they say that they go aaagh

but jules scoops them up in her arms and assures them she wont leave them,, she loves them sososo much gender and all :'] <3

aaaurgh they make me happy. i hate how seasons 7 did them (NOT THAT I HATED THE BREAKUP IT WAS SOOOO GOOD BUT LIKE. i hated how shawn acted afterward,, season 6 and onward has Not been it for characterizations at all i fucking hate it)

ok gush sesh over more lore: idk how the rest of the episodes breakup era would go considering theyre together in my au but erm,, w jules and videos help (she comes out to vid next whos like "i knew,, but im proud of you ily") shawn comes out to everyone else and tries out new pronouns and expressions and a teehee :]] theyre all so happy and trans and gay and its great

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa

[toytulini]

I saw Barbie last night, I dont think i have a long film review of it for yall but idk I'll put some thoughts under a readmore I guess?

-Right off the bat, I enjoyed it, it was fun. It was a fun pink poppy romp. Thats about what I expected of it, and thats pretty much what I got

-Its not particularly radical in its gender/feminism takes, its very basic, which, I saw a number of ppl mention that before I saw it so I wasnt expecting anything radical. It couldve done better. it was. fine. im shrug about it i guess.

-My mom enjoyed it and was apparently not expecting any sort of emotional depth or story at all so it caught her off guard. I heard her crying. she cries easy at movies. I'm glad my mom liked it. Maybe she'll absorb some of the very basic feminism it drops idk.

-I knew the Kens adopted patriarchy and introduced it to Barbieland but it felt lile that happened very fast, idk.

-The ending....I. is her going to a gynecologist supposed to be like. shes gotten a vagina by deciding to be human?? or is she trying to schedule a surgery or something? that felt pretty weird to me if im honest, i thought it was gonna be a job interview or smth... Especially with how everyone was like "Barbie is ace (heheeh i agree) cos she has no genitals! (sorry what. excuse me. wanna run that by me again?)" like okay that makes that headcanon reasoning even more dewply uncomfortable that it already was?

-I enjoyed weird Barbie. i wish theyd cast someone else cos iirc ka/te mckin/non was a transmisogynist? unless she apologized or said she changed her mind on the topic since like 2017?? but i havent seen anything? idk. just. annoying to keep platforming these ppl. i guess theres probably other actors involved that have shit views of trans ppl. whatever i guess.

-I did dress up a little. i feel like my outfit had Weird Barbie Vibes. maybe ill post a pic.

-I did enjoy it and it had a number of shots and or transitions i liked, i think the one with the disco ball to the moon or whatever was enjoyable.

-god we really are so weird about barbie

-it just feels factually incorrect that all dolls pre barbie were baby dolls? idk. im sure it was the most common kind. but idk. not to be weird about The History Of Dolls but like. the porcelain dolls from the Victorian era. idk if those count as baby dolls. iirc those were to help young girls practice prepping dead bodies of loved ones for funerals or smth??? but i guess porcelain dolls have a sort of babyish look about them. and are fragile so you cant play rough with them.

-Like i Know its a 2hr long toy commercial for mattel but also god that cant be right. even if they werent filling the same niche as barbie as idk basically a fashion doll? there had to be other dolls right?

-I know the flat foot thing is Supposed to be over the top and silly for them all to get upset about but also tbh. as a bitch with falling arches the way some of yall make jokes about flat feet still is uh. well. rude. but also lmao man. the day my arches started hurting for no reason while i was barefoot did sorta feel emotionally like her feet falling to the ground lol.

-i want to introduce barbie to margot robbie's harley quinn owo. i think that would be Fun :3

-i want Ken's job. how do i do Beach as an occupation.

-I actually liked how they handled Ken and Barbie's rship til the end. i feel weird about that ending overall and also it feels weak wrt her dynamic as Ken. they make him grapple w her not reciprocating his feelings the same way but then she just leaves barbieland anyway?? and ig they dont get to explore a friendship or qpr dynamic. ok. its fine i guess.

-her saying she has no genitalia felt so transgender in a way im not sure it was intended to. ken saying he has all of the genitalia felt even more transgender. headcanoning them both as extremely transgender in fun weird new ways and no one can stop me.

-Allan is my favorite character i think. bro me too

-bibbleless movie. add bibble.

[sydneyshipsstuff]

answering both of the recent tag games in one since im lazy (so scroll for the questions below the bingo)

tagged by @professional-benaddict (sorry for responding so late lol) and because i dont have too many mutuals, tagging anyone who sees it & wants to do it!

I chose my baby Spider-Man/Peter Parkee, with a focus on the starker fandom!

1. How did you discover your fave?

spider-man movies -> video edits on insta/tiktok -> irondad fanfics on wattpad -> ao3 -> looking at starker in disgust -> becoming a part of the fandom

2. How long have you been a fan of your fave?

since homecoming! when it first came out but it took me a while to start interacting with the fandom

3. Do you write for your fave? (E.g. AU's, Drabbles, Fan Fics.)

sorta! i don't actively write, just kinda drabble sometimes and i mostly dont post that, plus helping others write, i do have drafts that have been in my docs for years though

4. Do you like what is canon about your fave?

i do but i feel bad for him! poor guy has nobody :((, but before endgame i was in love with canon.

5. Tell some of your headcanons of your fave.

•his spider abilities on top of the originals like purring, cant have peppermint, hibernates, etc

•his love of animals, always stopping on patrols to say hi to them or trying to keep the strays he finss

•being worthy of mjolnir and picking it up without knowing the significance

•that he worms his way into the hearts of everyone he meets

6. Do you draw for your fave? (E.g. Fan Art)

no i dont, but i love seeing others fan art obviously!

7. If your fave/s are portrayed by several actors, who are your fave portrayers?

basic, ik, but tommy.

8. Are you more into Books/ Comics/Films when it comes to your fave?

mostly the fanfics then anything, but the movies and comics are so entertaining.

9. Quote anything about what your fave has said.

this ones weird but when i went to new york i went out of my way to go to moma because of him mentioning it to tony

10. Quote your favourite line of your fave!

basic but the "When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you." because even though its sad/semi unhealthy to put that pressure on yourself, i relate to it in a way and uphold myself to helping whenever i can.

11. Ever made a edit for/of your fave?

i dont think so? maybe photos but that would have been a while ago

12. Songs you associate with your fave?

anything to do w new york really

13. If your fave was real, do you think they'd like you?

i think so, if we meant in a natural way lolol, i try to be social and i think id be able to joke with him

14. Amongst your fave/s who do you think are you? (E.g. You have 5 faves, amongst the 5 of them you think of yourself as fave no.3)

skipping because i only am answering for the one

15. Do you know your fave origin story?

yes i doo, radioactive spider bite, yada yada, parents dead, yada yada, uncle shot, rip, grew up in queens & stayed there

16. In 1 word describe your fave’s aesthetic.

akward

17. Is/Are your fave/s famous on A03?

yes very much, but mostly for irondad

18. Ships that you like with your fave?

i do like irondad if thats even considered a ship, peter w tony, harley, steve, stephen, and bucky, either seperate or at the same time, and im open to other pairings too

19. Is/Are your fave/s well known?

yes very well

20. If your fave/s have a fandom, what do you think about the fandom?

i like them, idk if theyd like me now that ive gone to the dark side lol

21. Describe yourself using something your faves have said

oops kinda did this already for another question but, "I am Responsible. I…Oh crap. My backpack’s gone." I try to be responsible but i am very clumsy and forgetful lol, and i do a lot of stupid shit

22. If you would feed your fave/s something, what would it be?

as big of a meal as i could possibly make, very carby, probably pasta, get some meat on those bones and feed the super apetite

23. How do you see yourself in any of your fave/s?

i see the optimism/ akwardness in myseld as well, we are semi-close in age so i think that contributes to it

24. Ever taken a break from your fave/s?

sorta, it was very short and it was mostly in between going from irondad to starker as well as small breaks i took from everything lol

25. If your fave/s were to have a crossover, who and which character would they have a crossover with?

well they did have one with stephen and the other spidermen but i think it would be cool to see him really interacting w the women of marvel, aka kate, yelena or natasha (also rip), pepper, captain marvel, america chavez, etc.

[penisliker-moved]

im like *Gets mad at my parents*

[vaguely-yandere]

WAAAAAA i meant like you suould suggest an anon name for me bc i am so soooo terrible at coming up w names but i think it would be so cute if all ur anons were named “some adjective” darling!! just like the ones you mentioned!! hmm hmmm then, chami… i will be sunny darling!! bc people have told me im bright and smiley!! it would be saurrrrrr cute if all your anons named themselves some kind of darling too, ur anon following would be so cutely organized in that way!! idk if thats what you meant though </3 maybe were not on the same page at all and im just running my mouth again, as per usual!! anyways, regarding my super super hyper specific ideal yan type…

I LOVE SUBMISSIVE CLINGY YANS!! you know… kinda like the sensitive yan?? but not too shy, not to the point where they cant even speak to me. i mean. i like when theyre all cute and stuttering and blushy, but i wanna be able to tease them and mess around with them!! i want them to crave my attention and pout and beg and whine for it. i think its cute when theyre kinda like a puppy or kitty!! desperate and needy and cutie <33 its cute when theyre shy and soft spoken. its cute when theyre outspoken and outgoing. the common denominator here is that theyre obsessed with me and love me and want me to dote on them! awww they want me to hug then and ruffle their hair and compliment them… all of which i will gladly do!! my mindset is so healthy, i know! but as other anons have stated, we’re all normal here!! <333

and u know whats funny. im ace too but when it comes to sub yans my brain does the funny thinky and h0rny thoughts appear. subby yans swoon swoon!! i am okay i promise. also i swear im not stalking ur blog but you just so happen to be posting p frequently (as of rifht now) and i am eating it UP!! but ofc dont feel pressured to respond quickly or post a lot!! im just saying i appreciate u chami <33 LET ME KNOW IF IM ANNOYING then maybe i can be annoying darling instead LMFAOO (i hope not though </3)

waaaa sunny darling is so cute!!!! you know, i think you would do well with a subservient yandere! theyll do anything for you, just say the word and theyre So Normal about it! your hands get cold easily? they have an 'extra' pair of gloves. your hungry? they have extra cash! you wanna go shopping? its on them! someones annoying you? dont worry about them anymore. they just work so so hard to please you without thinking twice about you!

you tell them to jump and they dont ask how high, they just do it until you tell them to stop.

i like thinking theyre p rich, were neglected when they were a child, the stereotypical story. rich parents who never pay attention, blah blah blah and then they meet.. you... so bright, so loud, so talkative and so so sweet, they cant help but cling to you. somehow, by some miracle, they become friends with you and follow you around whereever you go. every gift you give them is put in a shrine they have that is. VERY hidden. and i just know they regularly have to have 'bathroom breaks' whenever you hug them tight or compliment their outfit or pay any extra attention and the poor thing just has to keep splashing water on their face to get the redness to go down! so cute!

aaa i just love sub yanderes, theyre just so... pathetic but in a good way! makes me feel safe! i just KNOW theyd do anything for you, darling <3 and if someone calls you annoying or is too rude to you, thats when their aggressive side shows up.

they corner them in some secluded area and bludgeon them to death. to a pulp. they didnt even have time to think about it, they didnt even question it for a second and afterwards, well, they feel kinda bad. not for the new dead person but because, well, they just know youll feel a bit scared now because of this 'random' murder and they dont want you feeling that way! but dont worry, theyll protect you!

and you need to stop worrying about bothering me, sunny darling! you need to take up space and be unapologetic about it! and i find stalking, intentional or not, very very sweet! <3 it doesnt bother me at all. spam liking or rebloging or anything really boosts by ego! i love it! im a touch of an attention whore lol and the entire reason why i started this blog was for ppl who have more 'dominant' (but not exclusively) personalities and wanted to see more subby yans! but i also enjoy a nice subby darling with a subby yandere, so cute! but what im saying is, i have zero issue standing up for myself or setting boundaries! so dw! <3

(P.S. to other askers, feel free to stake claim on a name! itll help me know who yall are and remember ur interests!)

[actualbird]

I like your analysis(es?) so much hh, and apparently my brainworm of the day is the NXX crew getting a flowering cactus called Karla, for some reason. It’s a therapy cactus XD. No other thoughts. - Book

thank you, Book!!! and also wait no get back here and tell me more

KARLA!!! KARLA!!! oh i love her already but please understand that i have so many questions and all those questions have accompanying THOUGHTS oh gosh okay let me just hm wordbarf both those things very messily, you know how i do things

what kind of flowering cactus?

there are so many, afterall.

given that vyn is into botany and gardening, i assume he would have a lot of opinions on this.

actually, ive met a lot of botany hobbyists in my life, and the snobbier ones among them actually HATE cacti (and succulents). theyd say stuff like "oh cacti are the in thing with the millenials these days, theyre the plant people get when they dont know anything about plants."

WOULD VYN BE LIKE THAT, LMAO????? he seems like the type to at least THINK IT.

but also deep down i assume vyn is like "a plant is a plant is a plant" bc among the sweeter botany hobbyists ive met, theyve got this notion that "as long as you help it grow strong through the challenges, u did a good job" WHICH....MAKES ME THINK....VYN THINGS....vyn is not going to admit it, he will never admit it, but hm. what a strange plant. shaped to protect itself yet in need of care all the same.....

ANYWAY if anybody is getting a premeditated-bought cactus for the HXX HQ, you bet that vyn will, one way or another, have some kind of say in what the cactus will be. if it isnt premeditated-bought, he'll definitely have many things to say about the cactus' future care

or does the cactus just kind of appear there? is it brought into the NXX HQ in the dead of the night like jesus in the manger? if that's the case, who brought it?

i think it would be artem. or, well, i think it would be FUNNIEST/PATHETIC-EST if it was artem.

let's just say that a non-NXX and non-MC person decides eyyy, artem, got u a gift, it's a cactus! haha, get it! bc ur a prickly unapproachable dude! and artem is like ".........." BUT LIKE IT'S RUDE NOT TO ACCEPT A GIFT EVEN WITH THE BACKHANDED CRITICISM OF HIS GENERAL STATE OF BEING

so he takes the cactus and like leaves it at NXX HQ because if he brings it to his apartment hes going to get vaguely annoyed by the cactus and what it supposedly represents and he'd want to set it on fire

(sidenote: cacti do not burn well, by the way, ive set some on fire for cacti funerals and sigh, you have to put gasoline on them for a good burn)

anyway he brings the cactus there, leaves it vaguely hoping that the air conditioning will like, kill it (cacti live in the desert, right? so cold...bad?) and then somebody else will go "where the fuck did this dead cactus come from, can we throw it away" and then artem can throw it away (ALONG WITH THE REST OF HIS EMOTIONS. artem...GET HELP....)

but that doesnt happen because get fucked, artem wing

who names it Karla?

naming a plant most often comes from somebody who has gotten VERY ATTACHED TO THAT PLANT. i first thought hmmm maybe it's luke, but then i remembered that luke has this HILARIOUS tendency of making comments about eating MANY ORGANISMS HE COMES ACROSS (ssr shape of you, he threatens to cook and eat goose, chara story ep 1, hes very happy at eating the cooked crabs for their crab crimes, sr aquarium date forgot the name, hes like let's eat seafood SURROUNDED BY HAPPY ALIVE FISH, luke....what the fuck?) so maybe it's not luke and that leaves...

marius von hagen getting attached to a cactus and naming it is SO FUNNY TO ME but also makes me soft. hes the first one who sees the cactus in HQ and is like "who the fuck left this here?" //big data lab googling what it is. "well good thing it's fine with cold temps wouldve died if not, you cant just leave a thing in a place...with no warning....with no help...thats tough....huh, thats tough, isnt it, cactus?"

am i saying that marius von hagen gets attached to the cactus because it vaguely reminds him of his own life story of being pushed into very stressful circumstances and essentially left to fend for himself? yeah. yeah. because im deranged

"the cactus' name is karla," marius says at the next meeting, spraying the cactus with a mist bottle. "be nice to her or else im biting you."

who declares it a "therapy cactus"? aka who realizes that literally EVERYBODY else on the team is, one way or another, projecting themselves and/or their desires onto the PLANT???

luke. luke does. luke has the habit of dissociating and spiraling at any given moment when he encounters anything even ADJACENTLY related to what hes going through (again, sr aquarium date, luke u were just looking at the jellyfish, WHY R U GETTING DEPRESSED PHILOSOPHICAL OVER LIFESPANS???? SIR, GET HELP.....), so like lol he can clock that shit in from a mile away because hes the worst offender of that too

he doesnt bring it up of course. i mean, im sure he thinks about it because it's just the right kind of shithead move to pull just in case the others try to push him around again but mc gets mad at him when he goes agent scary at the rest of the boys so okaaayyyy he'll retaliate against getting dunked on in a more...civil way. so he doesnt bring it up. he also doesnt bring it up because...

well, if it makes them happy, then it makes him happy. thats all that matters to him

"keep making them all happy, yeah?" luke absentmindedly says to the cactus one day. "i heard you guys can live for a hundred years."

the cactus, of course, does not reply.

mc gets very into taking care of karla. pls expect many conversations where the boys are talking about the "cactus" (theyre talking about themselves) and mc is just like "okay im 90% sure this is a metaphor, you guys aint slick, but i like this cactus very much and thats true whether it's a metaphor or not."

all the boys: //PLEADING EMOJI WITH HEARTS

thanks for making me go insane over a cactus, Book. it's 8am here.

[spacedlexi]

am curious what are your top violentine hcs

ok i wasnt really sure how to answer this since idek what headcanons people out there have? so i'll just list things i personally think about. if this doesnt satisfy your question feel free to ask me my feelings on specific hcs

read more cuz i cant just keep things short and simple

- love that thing mary kenny said about how violet likes to be the big spoon unless shes had a nightmare or has trouble sleeping. i bet clem being the little spoon makes her feel safe when she sleeps in a way she hasnt felt in nearly a decade of sleeping out on the road where she could die at any moment. i wonder if there was ever an incident tho where clem could feel vi against her back in her sleep and woke up ready to fight someone, cuz in the early days of living at the school im sure she'd still be getting over her immediate fight or flight reaction to everything

- related to the last one i think once aj gets old enough clem would move into violets room (and tenn would move into ajs room. every night is a sleepover (yes tenn is alive in my hcs 😔 and no one is maimed))

- i know clem is technically The Leader now, but vi was doing a good job before clem took over, and since her relationship with clem helped her get over herself a bit and now she outright cares for the school group (instead of caring but pretending she doesnt to avoid getting hurt from loss again 🥺), i think theyd definitely lead together. clem is still #1 but violet is like her right hand/second in command. if the group splits up for whatever reason (hunting/scouting/investigating passing groups) then they each take leadership of each group (unless they feel like going fishing together 🥺). they definitely makes plans together. up in the office. sometimes they share the chair (its a huge chair have you looked at that thing)

- again since tenn is alive in my hcs i love the idea of clem+aj/vi+tenn one little family within one big family. if tenn and aj are like playing or drawing vi and clem are watching like a couple of doting parents 🥺💕

- they stole that horse from the raiders so sometimes they go on little rides together around the school, checking defenses. but also just to get some time together alone

- vi gets help from the others to help jury-rig a pully system on the bell tower so clem can get up there again. they make so many intricate home alone style traps i think they could do it. i think clem would cry shdfks. and it would mean that much more to her that everyone helped make it

- violet became very confident in her relationship with clem throughout the last 2 eps so i think they wouldnt shy away from being cute in front of everyone lmao especially as the years go by

- after a number of years together i think theyd like to make things more "permanent". the only signifier of their relationship is the pin vi gives to clem (which is so cute on its own god i love that pin ("so you never forget that night" "i never will" SHUT UP THEYRE SO CUTE)). i thought maybe violet would whittle like a pair of wooden rings but thinking about it more i think they would just make new pins for each other. the pins are kind of their thing. clem would still keep wearing the og star pin, but she'd also get a violet flower pin, and violet would get a clementine pin 🍊💜

- related to the last one, louis would catch violet making her pin for clem and turn it into a whole big thing. because its boring living in the apocalypse and he wants to make this fun. clem would be on board with it and violet would agree if thats what clem wants. so theyd have a little "wedding" with the school kids attending. tenn and aj collect flowers and you know omar would make some big, extra fancy meal.

- idk if this counts but do you ever think about how during the last ep violet gets forcibly split from clem+aj and has to go back to the school by herself, and hours go by and clem and aj havent made it back yet... and how violet probably went back out there to desperately look for them, thinking they were dead and blaming herself for just leaving them there... she mustve been so devastated and scared and angry. i bet she was the first to see aj pushing that wheelbarrow back to the school and just started crying and sobbing if she wasnt already. SORRY TO END THIS ON A SAD ONE but i think about this 😭 ....................

- related to the last one i bet violet spent so much time next to clems bed just hoping and praying that she would wake up. her and aj were probably there as much as they could be. and maybe would even take turns watching over her before she finally woke up. i bet all the other kids would come in to check on her too. they all love clem so much 🥺 you love to see it. its what she deserves. i bet rosie would be under her bed too like she was when aj was putting up the collectibles at the end

ok thats all the ones i can think of atm

[peninkwrites]

the dead don't dream - ch 25 of ?

Tommy does some reading and writing. Quackity and Tubbo don't talk politics.

(CW: blood and horror and mild self harm)

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 24

Ch 26

-

The Good

-I’m eating again.  I tried carrots again the other day wasnt sick.

-People want to protect me.  They all awnt to try. and the stasis chambers in the basement make me feel better.  A lot of people offered to have one set up.  Sapnap, Puffy, Sam, Techno, Phil, Tubbo, Ranboo, Bad, Ant, Quackity, Eret.  Just about evryone.  It’s setup so i can press 1 button they all come.  Feels weird cause Dream was gonna keep me using one adn now this keeps me safe.

I think i spend too much time down there though.  Im scared he’ll get me before i can get help so i needto stay near htem.  Im scared to go outside alone.  It’s good i can get help but it also means im stuck here.  I cant leave TUbbo’s house if i want help

“That’s not the good, Tommy…” Tommy mutters, staring gloomily at the page.  It’s true, though.  He’s forced into an awful choice– does he want to be safe, or does he want to be free?  Right now even feeling safe is a struggle.  Maybe he should try looking at the bad stuff for a bit.

The Bad

-im having nightmares again.  Theyr abt Wilbur agian.  But not like before.  It’s bad ina differnt way.

Wil keeps on beggng me to save him.  When it’s just limbo thats bad but osmetimes it’s Dream and thats worse

Tommy doesn’t want to write about that, like pulling those thoughts out of his head will make them more real.  He turns back to the good.

-Eret gave me sunglasses again but I was scared I was gonna lose them agian so i said no.  But when Sam came to help set up the stais chambers he brought be goggles.  Theyre easier to not lose becus I can jst keep them around my neck when I dont need them. Which is most of the time. I don’t really go outside much.

-Ponk also gave me a cane.  I don’t like that it helps.  It doesnt hurt s much and i can walk further.  I havnt fallen yet since i got it but might be because im eating again too.  I wanto walk like normal. Ponk thinks im right that my leg won’tg et beter because there’s nothing to heal. The nerves r damaged.

That’s drifting into the bad again.  Why is it so jumbled up all the time?

-they let me move wilbur closer. I mean i didnt move him im not strong enugh but tubbo helped.  He woudltn let me keep him in the house but he didnt bury him.  He’s in the side of the cliff in a bunker tubbo has.  Hes in glass so i can see him and know hes still there, hes there becaus

No.  No, the why of it is bad.  So he should put that on the bad list, right?  He wants things to be simple.  There’s the good and there’s the bad and if the good list is longer than the bad it means he’s getting better.  Why is this so hard?

The whole reason Tommy starting doing this was because he can’t fucking think straight.  First it was just the decisions that made him clam up, so he started using a book to weigh his options.  Now he’s just trying to piece together whatever his life is now.  He doesn’t want to think about it, about the journaling, as something he has in common with Dream, even though he’d have to admit that had something to do with it.  It comes from himself first and foremost, not Dream.  He’s always liked making plans and lists.  Just because it was in the midst of rereading that awful book that he thought of it is irrelevant.  Tommy hesitates, before turning back to the bad list.

-we put wilbur here so i can check and make sure hes still there. To make sure Dream didnt get him.  I feel more sure because if Dream finds him he’ll have found me too. I have to check thouhg.  After the nightmares

-in the nigtmares i dont save wil.  Sometines i lose him. Sometimes i go back to dream because of him.

-adn it’s not better when im awake. Im thinking about how bad it would have been if theyd showed up even a few minutes later.   I think abou it alot.  and I start pulling on my hair if i think about what was gona happen if they haddnt showed up at all. Or i endup scratching the floor. Whatever makes it stop. It scares tubbo. My nails were bleeding one time when he came back.

He tries not to leave me. but he’s helping sSapnap with looking for Dream or Quackity with L’Manberg.  When hes not here it’s Ranboo a lot but sometimes he forgets and shows up late. He always shows up thouh.

That’s good.  That deserves to go on the good list.  Tommy goes back a page.

-Tubbo tries not to leave me.  Ranboo always shows up even if he forgets and is late sometimes.

-people keep checking on me. Sam comes by and says he wants to make sure the stasis chamber is right but i know it’s just because hes woried.  He brought me pumpkin pie. I havent tried eating it because im worried i won’t be able to.  Ponk comes too.  But they have a better reason.  They check how sick i am still.

Sometimes i say things and it scares people.  Last time sam and ponk came over I told Sam I wanted to be like him. I thougt that was a nice thing to say.  But he got all worried becus i said it all weird.  Which is fair it was weird.  Said I wish I could self destruct and take Dream down with me if he comes fucking near me again.  Didnt mean to assume anyhting.  I dont know if it even works like that.  Sam dint get mad though.  Just asked if he could hug me.  He didnt hug me very tight thugh. Theyre all still scared of breaking me.

-my hair is short agian.  It’s much bette.r  Tubbo cut it.  I got a littl scared becaus of the shears, but Tubbo was really nice about it.  I didnt cry just then but i thought i was goign to.  Not bad tears though i dont think.  It was just different.  Gentle stuff doesn’t feel normal.  The hugs are a little less scary becuase Wilbur hugged me, but Tubo brushed knots out of my hair.  He was so careufl but it wasnt because he felt bad for me.  I coud tell it was different.  It was kindof like it fixed something.  Something i thought broke inme a long time ago.  I guess it ddint feel fixed. More like it s still broken but Tubbo took care of me anyway.

Tommy pauses.  He looks up at the bubbling pools of water around him.  It’s a careful design.  If he were to close one trap door, they all would.  Tommy had pointed out Dream could use it to summon them one at a time and kill them easily, so Sam made sure it couldn’t be done one by one.  It made sense, but sometimes Tommy almost wanted to use it to just bring Tubbo to him.  He should talk about the bad more.  Tubbo and Ranboo offer to listen.

He doesn’t want to talk about it.  They already don’t look at him the same, he doesn’t want it to get worse.   It’s not like there’s much worse for it to get.  Tommy flips back to the bad page.

-if they hadn’t showed up right then Dream was goign to cut his name into my skin.  It probly would have made a scar.  I dont want to think about what else he was ginna do to me.

There he goes again.  Tommy’s right hand holds a quill, his left drags against the stone floor, the pain shuddering up his arm.  He should stop doing that.  He doesn’t know why it’s so hard to stop.  He’s eating again– why can’t the rest of it get easier too?

“Tommy!  I’m back!” Tubbo’s voice echoes from up the ladder.  Tubbo always announces himself.  Tommy still flinches, holding his hand close to his chest, like he’s scared he’ll get in trouble for dragging his nails across the floor.  He knows if anything Tubbo would just look at him, that worried gaze with a bit of rage too, but not rage towards him.

“I’m here too!” Quackity’s voice follows.

Tommy should probably go upstairs and talk to them.  Tommy gathers his two books, tucking them both away in his inventory.  They’re both equally unassuming.  The only difference is one has his blood on the pages.

“You were down there when I left,” Tubbo almost sounds disappointed when Tommy climbs up through the trap door.

“I came back up and got food,” Tommy mutters.  “Hey, Big Q.”

“Hey, Tommy!  How’s… how’s it going?” Quackity’s cheerfulness seems a bit forced.  Same as everyone who’s come by to visit.  Their efforts to treat him like normal always ring hollow.

“Oh.  You know.  Just… working on getting Wilbur,” Tommy isn’t sure if he’s lying or not.  He hadn’t opened Dream’s journal all day.  It comes and goes.  Sometimes he can’t pull himself away from the thing, and other times he almost wants to burn it.

Something in Quackity’s expression changes for a moment, before his usual grin returns too fast for Tommy to try and guess what look Quackity had given him.  Quackity just pushes on.  “Right.  Tubbo over here has been helping me take over!  It’s gonna be weird– y’know?  A L’Manberg cabinet without either of you.”

“We’ll still be around, Big Q,” Tubbo shrugs.  “Just got… bigger things on my mind as of late.”

“Yeah, me, right?” Tommy scoffs.

“It’s not all about you, bossman,” Tubbo teases.  “Right now I’ve got important plans.”

“Do you?”

“Yep.  Gonna make rabbit stew to go with the pie Sam brought us,” Tubbo nods knowingly.

“Oh, right.  Very important,” Tommy rolls his eyes.  “Here I am, trying to solve death, but you’ve got some soup.”

Tubbo half nods, and his smile doesn’t fade, but he doesn’t quip back to that one.

“Is that what all that’s about, Tommy?” Quackity can’t stop himself from asking.

“What?” Tommy looks puzzled.

“Like, what you’re looking for, the stuff to get Wilbur back, d’you really think you can figure out something like that?” Quackity sounds skeptical, but he also knows what it’s like to see someone obsessed with a project to get through grief.  The only thing that got Tubbo to move on was, well, Tommy.  So Quackity continues without reservation.  “Like, aren’t you sorta worried you’re looking for something that might not even be there?”

The look Tubbo gives him is murderous.

Tommy doesn’t get angry; somehow that’s worse.  He frowns, lost in thought for a moment, staring at the ground.  “I know he can be brought back.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve lived it and shit, so.”  Tommy looks up at the two of them, something helpless and certain behind eyes still too grey.  He shrugs, but somehow he’s smiling, even if it isn’t a happy smile.  “So how can I leave him?”

The silence which follows is painful, almost unbearable.  “I’m sorry, Tommy, that wasn’t– that wasn’t fair of me, man.  I’m sorry,” Quackity fumbles for a reply.

“Nah, don’t worry about it, Big Q,” Tommy waves him off.  “Wil was the only thing keeping me together all those months– besides Dream, of course.  And– And Dream was bad,” Tommy says this like somehow despite everything he’s still trying to convince himself.

Tubbo and Quackity have no idea what to say to that.

“I’m back!” Ranboo knocks before he enters, his arrival cutting the tension like a knife.

Tommy still jumps.

Ranboo looks to each of them carefully, thinking.  Tommy needs to get out more.  Tubbo looks an inch away from snapping.  “Shoot.  I forgot– you wanted me to bring back firewood,” Ranboo sighs.  “Tommy, d’you want to come help me?”

Tommy stares at him.  “...Right.  I’d be great at that.  Lifting heavy logs, want me to swing an axe too?” He says dryly.

“Oh, well, if you don’t think you can do it…” Ranboo shrugs, turning back toward the door.

“Hold on, hold on!  I didn’t say that,” Tommy pouts.  “Give me a fuckin’ second to get my coat and shit…”  Tommy does so, and after a moment’s hesitation, grabs the cane from beside the door.  Trekking through snow tends to hurt worse.  His body aches now when he gets cold.

Ranboo and Tommy leave and a tense silence follows.  Tubbo returns to his kitchen, getting out ingredients loudly.  Finally, the tension breaks.  “You shouldn’t have said that shit, Big Q,” Tubbo is sharp, slamming a cutting board on his counter with too much ferocity.

“What, like you aren’t thinking it?  That he’s gonna obsess over Wilbur instead of getting better?” Quackity shoots back.  Tubbo has no reply.  There’s a moment of pause.  For once Quackity doesn’t want to be right.  He sighs.  “So, how is he?  All things considered,” Quackity nods towards the front door, where Ranboo and Tommy had just disappeared.

Tubbo frowns, focused on the cutting board in front of him.  “Better, I think.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” a pause, Tubbo chopping vegetables methodically.  There’s an edge to his voice; that always seems to happen when he talks about Tommy now.  “Not better enough.”

Quackity nods grimly.  “Yeah.  I mean, that makes sense.”

“Does it?” Tubbo’s voice grows high and sharp.  “He doesn’t leave that fucking basement and he doesn’t stop looking at that fucking book.  I– I dunno if taking him out here into the snow was a good idea, but I thought at least here he’d be safe, but he’s– He acts like he’s still a fucking prisoner! And I’m supposed to be the one making things better.”

“Come on,” Quackity shifts uncomfortably.  “You can’t mean that, he’s just– He’s nervous, understandably, right–?”

Tubbo stops his chopping, his shaky hands too close to drawing blood.  He turns to face Quackity sharply, a storm still brewing behind his eyes.  There’s always too much stirring under the surface with Tubbo, and it always breaks free with little warning.  “You wanna know what he said to me the other day, Big Q?”

Quackity stares, dread growing louder in the back of his head, but how can he not ask?  “What?”

“S-So, I come home, and he hasn’t moved from that fucking basement, so I– I ask him!” Tubbo gestures aggressively towards the snowy windows.  “I asked him if he’d gone outside that day, or if he’d gotten something to eat– or– or something– and h-he gives me this look, this surprised fucking look, and goes ‘oh, I forgot you’d let me leave.’  Let him?!  Fucking let him?!” Tubbo laughs and it sounds almost like a threat.  Tubbo wants to hurt something, but his ideal target is currently fucking MIA.  “Does that sound like nerves?!  Or does that sound like someone who doesn’t– who can’t–” Tubbo takes a shaky breath.  He needs to stop shouting before Tommy hears him.   “H-He always expects doors to be locked, okay?  And that’s–”  Tubbo’s voice is shaking from more than anger now.  “That’s not better, Big Q.”

Quackity seems to come to some decision, nodding resolutely.  “You don’t have to help me with L’Manberg stuff anymore, Tubbo.  I’ve got it.  Sapnap is still working his ass off trying to find Dream.  You should be here, with him.  I know you want to be.  The rest of us… we’ll cope without you, okay?”

Tubbo scoffs.  “Huh.  I’m glad you think I can help him, Big Q.  But I dunno how Tommy is going to get better when the very man he’s having nightmares about is still out there.”

“We’ll get him,” Quackity sounds utterly sure.  “However long it takes, we’re hunting that man down and we’re tearing him apart.”

“Well, don’t be too hasty, Tommy wants him back alive,” Tubbo shivers.  “For Wilbur’s sake.”  He glances in the direction of the bunker.  “The nightmares are still bad.  I’m not as worried about him freaking out and getting himself hurt, but it’s not gone away.  I know he still has them.  I hear him getting up and going to the bunker.”

“Yeah,” Quackity follows his gaze, unable to hide his disgust.  “It’s fucking weird how much he visits that body.  We should’ve buried it.”

Tubbo, for all his own irritation, gets defensive.  “It’s not like he’s hugging it.  He’s just checking to make sure it’s there.  It comforts him.  What were we supposed to do, just say no?  ‘Sorry, Tommy, you’ll just have to trust that he’s still there every time you have a nightmare’?  He’d probably end up running halfway across the server in the middle of the night, alone, and that’s not an option.  Nah, what’s really weird is Wilbur being the one who protected him apparently.  Where did that come from?  Tommy was learning to live without him before all this bullshit happened, after how he screwed us over, we all were…”

Quackity seems to find this part more reasonable than the corpse in the walls.  “Hey, they were foxhole buddies.  You remember what that was like, back in Manberg.  We had to put up with the same shit, some of the same shit, anyway,” Quackity pauses for a moment.  He fleetingly has the thought he should ask Tommy about Schlatt.  If he’d seen Wilbur, then… No.  Not something worth pursuing.  He refuses to let it be.  “And I fucked up then, too.  But I mean, look at us now.  I was an asshole, and now I’m your Vice President!” Quackity grins, nudging him teasingly.

“Not my VP anymore, Quackity,” Tubbo smiles cheekily.  “You were a bit of an asshole.”

“Hey!  I got better!” Quackity pretends to pout.  The moment calms.  “But, yeah, you heard him.  If Wilbur was all he had to hold onto… It makes sense.  Him wanting him back.”

Tubbo hums a noncommittal reply.  Wilbur just feels like one more thing Tubbo needs to protect Tommy from.

~

“Wake up.”

There’s a white mask above him.  Tommy can’t move.  It’s the familiar pain of being paralyzed.

“It’s time to come home, Tommy.  You’ve had your fun.  Now it’s time for you to come back,” Dream ruffles his hair and there’s nothing Tommy can do to stop him.

“No– No, fuck you!  S-Stay away from me!”  Tommy cannot move, but he can scream.

No one comes.  Not Tubbo, not Ranboo, not anyone.  He doesn’t know where he is.  It’s dark.  It’s not Limbo, though, because Dream is here.

Dream shakes his head, tutting him.  “Would you look at that.  You’ve been away for, what, a few weeks and already you’ve lost your manners!  I worked so hard to teach you those.  I can teach you again, you know.”

Tommy is sitting up.  He can’t remember moving.  Dream crouches down so they’re eye to eye, or eye to mask, rather.

“I have someone who’s gonna help me with that, you know.  Someone I think you really miss,” Dream’s voice rings with mocking pity.

“I’m gonna kill you– I’ll f-fucking kill you again, you bitch, don’t fucking touch him–” Tommy knows he sounds terrified.

“Tommy, please!  Tommy– make him stop!  P-Please do whatever he says just make him stop!” Wilbur is screaming, screaming like he’s close by.  Tommy can’t see him.

“Wil?!  Wil– if you can hear me–”

“Tommy, it hurts!  Please, Tommy!  Don’t leave me alone with him!” Wilbur is crying.  Tommy always gets scared when his brother cries.

(This is wrong.  It’s all wrong. Wilbur would never tell Tommy to give himself up.)

“Hear that, Tommy?” Dream whispers too close.  “He wants you to come home too.  You miss him, don’t you?”

(This is a nightmare.  This isn’t real.  So why does it still hurt?)

“Oh, I see.  You don’t care,” Dream continues, scolding and cruel.  “You should tell that to his face, you know.  You should tell him you don’t care.”

Tommy wants to scream, but he can’t make a sound as his brother’s bloody face is dragged from the darkness.  Wilbur is coughing up blood, it’s dripping from his eyes, so much blood pouring out from inside of him, a flood, the blood fresh and hot and its metallic scent far too real.  He’s reaching towards him, desperate, clawing hands, and then Wilbur is on the ground.  He cannot remain standing as blood pours from his ears, from his mouth, from his eyes, beading up from his very pores until he is nothing but red.  Tommy still cannot move.  Even as Wilbur writhes on the ground like a man possessed, and despite the blood in his mouth, Tommy can still hear him screaming–

Tommy doesn’t scream when he wakes up.  Instead he feels like he’s choking.  He’s tangled in the blankets, struggling to get free.

Finally he hits the cold wooden floor, gasping for breath, finally getting his bearings on reality.

He is in Tubbo’s home.  He’s safe.  Safe-ish.

That one was bad.  Not the worst, but as far as nightmares go, far from easy.  Ponk has offered potions to help Tommy sleep.  He hasn’t accepted them.  He’s scared he won’t be able to wake up when he needs to.  It doesn’t make his nightmares any more bearable.

It takes a few more minutes for Tommy’s racing heart to slow.  He stands, looking towards Tubbo’s bed on the other side of the room.  He hasn’t stirred.  Good.  Tommy treads carefully, an act he is well practiced in, and puts on his boots.  He grabs the cane from beside the wall, and after a moment of hesitation, he grabs a book he keeps tucked carefully under his mattress.

The cold air clears his head, and despite having a destination in mind, he stops to just look up.  He still hasn’t gotten used to seeing the stars again.  He could keep watching them.  Just to be sure they were going to stay there.

No, he won’t be able to rest until he sees this through.

Tommy goes to the bunker under the hill.  His left hand has his cane, which he leans more heavily on going down the steps.  The bunker has two floors, Tommy can see into the lower one through the gaps in the floor.  He looks down just to be sure he’s alone.  Wilbur is to the right, laid gently in a gap cut into the wall just for him, a sheet of glass keeping him from the rest of the room and rot.  He looks like he could be sleeping now.  He's covered by the same L'Manberg flag they had buried Tommy with.  Except for his face.  Tommy had needed to be able to see his face.

Tommy stares at him for a moment, right hand pressed to the already smudged glass.  “Hey, Wil,” he says it softly, a familiar greeting.  He sighs.  “You’re still here…”

He wishes that relief were enough.  It’s not.  Tommy doubts he’ll be able to sleep again tonight.  Tommy slowly leans against the wall beside Wilbur’s tomb, sliding to the ground.  He reaches for his book.  It’s the one with blood on its pages.

Tommy opens it.  He feels sick; not for the gore and violence lovingly described on its pages– although, that kind of horror is no stranger to him– but by just a few lines, a simple side note without flourish or fanaticism, not of any particular note to someone else, but to Tommy they’re so cruel it almost hurts.

“I’ve gotten distracted.  I started running out of copies.  Had to leave Tommy in lockup for a while to make more.  It’s stupid.  He got to rest while I did the dirty work.  Maybe I’ll teach him.  Enough that he can do most of it.  Not like he’ll ever have the opportunity to use it.”

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Tommy had never imagined there would be a moment where he regretted the timing of his rescue.  And yet, here he is.  He can’t help but think: how much longer he would he have had to suffer?  How much longer would he have had to put off rescue?  How many days, how many deaths, how much pain, had been between Tommy and learning how to save his brother?

[dysfunctionalgiraffechild]

back on my suicidal shit aha

im literally holding everyone in my life back like you can not tell me that im not a burden to my loved ones cuz i absolutely am

like i know theyd be devastated and grieving if i died but im literally so useless like im dead fucking weight dragging them down this is stupid like why am i even here yk?

i literally told my ex-best friend 8 years ago when we were just getting to know each other that I have too many problems and they'd be too busy helping me and i would be too busy dealing with just the way that i am to reciprocate and she was like no that's not how that works i want to be your friends anyways and now 8 years later lo and behold wow turns out that is in fact how that works and, just as i fucking said they would, she got tired of my shit and was sick of me and my problems and me being too busy dealing with my problems to reciprocate. literally proved my fucking point in the end to be absolutely true. I am draining to everyone around me. she literally dropped me and felt freer than ever you can not tell me i am not a heavy burden on people. i cant just keep dragging everyone down with me.

a decade later and everything is exactly the fucking same. i am still getting dropped by people who tried to care for me and love me but ended up just having all of their energy drained and none of their needs met. i am still a selfish self centered useless piece of shit who is wasting peoples time/energy/money. im once again dealing with the same exact problems and dealing with court shit.

were any of those 8 years worth the trouble? cuz i honestly doubt it. people who stay close to me for long enough will see how much of an energy black hole i am and i never give anything back.

im sick of dealing with my shit too. i think im gonna start planning. this time i dont care how much it'll hurt im done being a burden. i know they'll grieve but she was absolutely right about me. i love them but everyone has grown and thrived after getting rid of me. i cant keep doing this to people.

[plusultrachaos]

Ok ok saw your pinned post and yay we have the same ships from what I can see but also I really wanna hear how you think Erasermic accidentally finding out about Shinso (I hc him as their son) dating Denki. Hc or drabble I guess whatever you want I just wanna hear your thoughts on it 😊

hc it is

so starting off

at first, shinsou was not wanting kaminari to meet his dads. its not because hes embarrassed by them or wants to keep kami a secret from them.

its bc aizawa has a tendency to overdo the shovel talk (shinsou walked in on it once when it was just a friend.) meaning that he threatens them with prison and potentially death if they so much as touch shinsou. (the friend wasnt a friend after that. aizawa was happy.)

yamada... yamada is a Dad™️ and hes not even funny about it. he just kind of sees an opportunity for a pun and will literally just go nuts. its terrible

he loves his dads for these... unique attributes, but he knows his boyfriend and he knows that kami will go absolutely bonkers about it.

shin hasnt told kami anything about his dads, just tjat he has them.

kami is patient about meeting shins mysterious dads, but when shin is finally like "get dressed nocely" he does what is expected and goes nuts.

at furst that is.

i hc kami as perpetually anxiety ridden. along with adhd, so hes like conscientious about the things that he is doing, but hes also like gotta zoom. and so like hes excited and zoom about meeting, but by the time that wears off, he is panicking.

he calls The Squad™️ in for help and together they get a nice but casual look on kami and send him kn his way.

(some how baku knows about shins dads being who they are (probbaly bc hes not fucking blind and can see shit) and so he leaves kamis room with a harsh "hes screwed")

shin meets kami in the lounge of the dorms and when they start to leave, kami is just Stream Of Consciousness™️ literally just spouting off anything and everything in his mind out of pure anxiety.

shin stops in front of the teachers dorms and kami is top tier confused. he doesnt know why theyd be there and just like stares at his boyfriend for a few seconds before it like finally clicks and its just like

"OH OH SHIT IM FUCKING SCREWED IM DEAD. AIZAWA IS GOING TO KILL ME. IM ABSOLUTELY DEAD."

shinsou has to like hold him back from running out bc his dads are waitinf and its taken them long enough.

(side note:i hc them to like have a really sweet calming technique for when kami is like super overwhelmed and like panicked. shinsou just like cups kamis face in his hands and puts their faces close and just breaths with kami. its not instant, but it does the job.)

he does that and kaminari is just like calm but still amped up and he runs a hand through his hair and its instant static. poof. and it like defuses any worries either of them were having and they are laughing.

they take each others hands and walk in and get to the yamada-aizawa labeled door and wait.

aizawa opens the door, looks st them and shuts it again.

shinsous just like "dad."

the door opens and this time its yamada.

"pop, tell dad to stop. if he threatens denks, im leaving."

yamada just laughs and lets them in with a "good luck with that, child."

kaminari is very nervous. he stares at the pro heroes until suddenly yamada makes a pun out of nowhere and hes laughing.

hes instantly yamadas favorite little listener.

"now why cant i get you to laugh at my jokes like that."

"theyre not funny zashi." -aizawa

shinsou eventually excuses himself for the bathroom and on his way back to the table he slows down to hear his dad giving kami the shovel talk.

he doesnt go out to kamis rescue because he hears in response.

"i understand your concern, Aizawa-sensei. you have nothing to worry about though. i really really really like your son and if i do anything to hurt Hitoshi, i will be turning myself in and i dont think i will trust myself."

shinsou melts and goes out there. he knows that kami wasnt intimidated away and that makes him like him even more.

(after shinkami leave, yamada turns to aizawa and goes "we liked him?" "absolutely despised him" [in the most lovingly sarcastic way possible] yamada starts planning the wedding.)

[darkelite020]

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 7

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- Ruby? Did I forget? Who/what is Ruby? -- Oh ok. Interesting bounty I suppose. - Wrecker and Omega have a completing mission tradition? That is SO cute. - Hooded person is here >>  -- I’m still holding out on my rex or ahsoka predicition because I think it would make sense for the sisters to call them since theyre friends with ahsoka and obviously she knows about clones and Rex is/was with her last we saw him... but the hooded persons eyes definitely aren’t ahsokas so I think it’s rex and if it is Im gonna be so happy - “Thats not her ugly side?” FFF Tech you bastard I love you - I SEE THE WHITE AND BLUE ARMORED ARM IM GONNA SCREAM - I’M SCREAMING -- REX I MISSED YOU SO MUCH I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU AGAIN AHHHHH --- I KIND OF POKED FUN AT MYSELF THIS WEEK REBLOGGING A MEME OF A GRANDMA SAYING ‘REX WILL BE IN THE NEXT EPISODE’ AND SOME YOUNGER PERSON EXCORTING THEM AND SAYING SOMETHING LIKE ‘OK GRANDMA LETS GET YOU INSIDE’ OR SOME SHIT BUT **VIOLENTLY POINTING AT THE SCREEN** MY LOVE IS HERE - Cid shut the fuck up he is a KING how dare you - Oh no. Oh god. “thats a long story.” Is he going to talk to him about his pov with 66 and about the ship and Jesse AND FIVES OH FUCK -- So it skipped to Rex talking about the end of the war but we didn’t hear really the story itself, and I really hope thats not all we get when it comes to him talking about the people he and at least echo knew. Like if he talked about Fives learning about the chips and not being listened to and that resulted in 66 because of the chips where activated and made them betray the jedi but we get no reaction from Echo I’m going to be pretty disappointed honestly. Like I get the bad batch not really knowing the squad so they have excuses but Echo did, and I really hope they don’t do the thing “Oh well Echo was caught by droids so now he doesn’t care about them anymore” because... that sucks. Like honestly Echo wasn’t even super crazy about seeing Rex either tbh (I get that Echo feels like he doesn’t fit in with regs and thats all fine and dandy) but it kinda feels like he doesn’t give a shit about what he’s gone through with other people. ---Rambling and getting off topic now because I have some shit between Echo and Fives: but if thats the case like we all know it fucked up Fives when he thought Echo was dead so if Echo isn’t the same way about Fives I guess thats just like... depressing and it sucks because everyone sees them as “that duo”. Again we really don’t know what Rex said exactly so its possible it didnt get brought up but if it did...  - Wrecker picking up Rex is so cute but you can see the fucking worry in Rex’s eyes for being picked up by him cause Wrecker would throw him and agjsdb I love it. - Omega straight up being like “youre old” while looking at Rex’s face PFFT no filter kid. - REX KNOWS ABOUT WRECKER -- Good I’m very happy Rex is calling them out on this inhibitor chip shit. ‘Oh crosshair was just an exception’ should definitely not be an excuse. - Oh alright so the glimpse in the trailer was a junkyard and not the same thing. Same kind of ship but not where the graveyard is. Honestly thats kind of a relief. - OH SHIT I WAS TALKING ABOUT FIVES NOW THEY ARE BRINGING HIM UP IM GONNA CRY ABOUT FIVES ALL OVER AGAIN -- wait.... now I don’t know if they know or not about him. - The scenery in this show is really pretty im just gonna go ahead and give some appreciation. - Oh no Wrecker! Pull up the rope!!!!!! He can climb but you can also pull him!!!! -- Thank god. - Omega talking about if something goes wrong? It’s not like theyre all gonna die at the same exact time.... like theyre only gonna do the surgery one at a time so... Omega what are you imagining sis? Like if one person turns? It’s still kind of unlikely that they could defeat the other very talented people in the room. - OH SHIT TECH YELL FOR HELP - HEY THIS HURTS MY FEELINGS DAVE HEY HEY -- LIKE YEAH THEY CANT POSSIBLY KILL THEM ALL CAUSE THE SHOW NEEDS TO GO ON BUT HEY --- Lowkey predicting they could all turn by the end of the show season cause like if they dont beat wrecker and cant use the medical bay then they are fucked. Also especially think this is gonna happen because one of the directors literally said the second half of season 1 is gonna get emotional and holy shit can you imagine. ---- WHAT IF THEY DO AND ITS JUST OMEGA AND REX TEAMING UP TO SAVE THEM HOLY SHIT AND ITD GIVE EVEN MORE OF A MEANING TO THE WORDS “THE BAD BATCH” - Holy shit this fight Wrecker grabbed ECHO BY HIS FUCKING FACE - Ok I was seriously wondering about Omega’s concerns but now HOLY SHIT CAUSE THATS ALL I CAN SAY LIKE THEYRE NOT DEAD BUT OH MY GOD I DIDN’T THINK ITD GO DOWN LIKE THIS - THANK YOU REX OUR HERO - I know we’re all having a moment after Wrecker but can you guys like team up to move him off the table and get your own done like even if its a bit risky cause we don’t need a repeat of what just happened like yeah theres not enough time in the episode for it but still - The *immediate* little head pat “Hey kid” ;-;

- Ok I’m glad theyre getting them out - THE GENTLE REASSURING TOUCHES IN THIS EPISODE *deep breath* ARE GIVING ME SERATONIN  - Wreckers apology ;-; THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD AND CUTE - Rex is leaving already? :( Be safe you funky little space soldier. - Not really surprised the empire is gonna know they were there cause it was only a matter of time but if theyre smart theyd get off planet and back to Cid before the empire gets there to see whats up.  -- Im sure they’ll realize they removed their chips though, I wonder if crosshair will show up (he probably will) but if he does rather its gonna be a fight there between the empire and bb maybe the bb can win and save crosshair or they have to retreat and something else goes on idk. - Would love if Crosshair was saved because he really got the short end of the stick and is being called “the bad batch” but like he’s not even really there with them for the show so far... also you can tell subtly that he doesn’t like being alone which is fucking sad :tm: because all his friends are gone and it hurts even more now because wrecker was talking about how he didn’t want to do things and he was trying not to hurt them and stuff in his apology and you know damn well Crosshair is the same way about his friends he’s probably just a lot less expressive about it.  -- Honestly even bad batch aside can you imagine how terrible all of the clones feel like all the regs over all knowing theyre the downfall of the jedi and thinking that they were trying to resist it too. Like they know whats happening and deep inside theyre themselves but they cant do shit about it. That fucking hurts me.  This is a longer post but this episode was a roller coaster for my emotions.

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[cryptidprimalslayer]

eh i just wanted to write abit about Ney’s Coerthas doings. 

Being a floater is fucking great. i do what i want and go where i please. only obligation is to myself. i usually stay in Dravania cause it’s better then the snow sometimes. but i still need the frigid touch to soothe the fire in me. i set out for tailfeather to get some cloth i need for cleaning my rapier, i had to take it off my arm so i’m one armed. i’ll just have to use my claymore for if I’m attacked. i get to the settlement and find out there’s no cloth i use only this really coarse kind that will surely scratch up my blade, and it’s super expensive as well. i look made of gil to you? fine i guess i’ll have to cross into Coerthas after all, i aint dealing with the Gnath. Let’s hope there’s no overzealous Temple Knight looking to take down a heretic. Honestly can i not help a dragon without being marked for death? this is complete bullshit. They are like family to me, and you always protect family. i had to come all the way to Falcon’s Nest to see if i could get some damn cloth. i was only waylaid by a few Knights but a horde of Her heretics, that woman needs to stop honestly. i don’t give two shits about that damn city i only care about living in this tundra. i was going about my business with a merchant when i was approached and talked to by a Knight. well this can’t be good.

it wasn’t good. i’m actually surprised you didn’t kill me where i stood. i’m being extradited to Ishgard for some trial shit. i managed to shake my captors in central Coerthas then went off to Providence Point to think of how to get back to Dravania. i took a seat on the cliff overlooking that city and leaned against one of the weird rock formations. i’ll need to lay low for awhile, possibly indefinitely, while they are sure to sniff around the Western lands. idly throwing rocks while strategizing i came across an unusual stick with leaves on it. it looks really unassuming and i almost chucked it like the rest of the rocks. Something gave me pause though, i swear i’ve seen this design somewhere before. but where? i pocketed it and reached over my shoulder for the hilt when i heard footsteps approaching. of course someone can see me around these rocks, my ears are like a mile high. when the footsteps got closer i realized the sounded light, this isn’t an adult behind me. a stretch of silence later i emerged from behind the rocks to see an Elezen child staring back up at me. she looked super young and also a bit frightened so i knelt to get eye to eye. “Hey little girl what are you doing up here.” no response, she must be shy. An idea struck me so i pulled out the odd stick. She recognized it and looked relieved to see it. “I take it this is yours then? May i ask what it is?” i hand it over and again got no response. “Where are your parents?” why do i keep asking questions when i know she won’t answer them? i kept fruitlessly asking her things until two sets of footsteps approached. Instinctively shoving the girl behind me i raised to my feet and waited for them to arrive. it was two men, an Au Ra and a Hyur, and by the looks of it are both Dark Knights. Does Ishgard employ this trade? They were both looking down at the girl by my legs so i glanced at her as well. “Do you know these men?”

“Yes so give her back.” i shot a glare at them since i didn’t see who spoke and pushed the child further behind me. 

“I don’t remember asking you a goddamn thing!” they didn’t appreciate me holding the child from them but until i am convinced she is safe with them, she aint going nowhere. the girl tugged on my pants so i looked down and she nodded at me that she did know these two. “Are you absolutely positive?” they didnt like coach her into staying with them? is she safe? She again nods so i pushed her forward and watched her run for the Auri. even though i was abrasive towards them the Hyur still thanked me for holding her so i bowed in response. i didn’t see any reason to try to make further conversation so i returned to sitting on the cliff and planning. i think i heard them leave but i didn’t check cause my involvement was done. 

wasn’t the last time i’d be seeing them though. i bumped into them several more times evading the Knights after my heretic ass. the child even saved me a time or two with that odd stick. so it’s a conjury weapon, gotcha. i can do a bit of healing as a red mage but it’s not as potent as white magic. after that i didn’t see them for awhile so i prayed Oschon would keep them safe on their travels. i still needed to get back to Dravania to lie low. 

i couldn’t run forever i knew that but i didnt dream theyd be specifically looking for heretics tryna cross into the Shroud. it’s out of your jurisdiction isn’t this up to the Shroud officials for if you can clap me in irons? this time the extradition was thorough and i was hauled to Ishgard.  what kind of trial am i to be put on? just because i saved a dragon and killed some of your men that were deaf to reason doesn’t mean i’m plotting your downfall. and i told them that. my shouting attracted a few ears and some looks, then i heard someone call out and antagonize the Knights holding me. i recognize that voice. that’s the Dark Knight with that little girl. why are you fighting them when it’s pretty obvious they throw death sentences to anyone who so much as breathes wrong. this is tyranny. Straight tyranny. they carted us off to some building and it appeared like this might be an actual court session. now why would you do this when i already said the aforementioned deaf to reason? i’m sorry what...... you said a trial by combat? sounds barbaric to me. we were called heretics so nothing new, then when told to step forward and claim our right to this combat i learned the man’s name was Fray. interesting name but i cant judge when mine sounds weird as well. whoa hey hang on now we weren’t accused by no men in white why are they stepping up to fight us? i looked over at this Fray but helmets suck for reading emotions. why did i expect them to play fairly? Where’s the Knights that hauled me here? lemme fight them. he drew his giant sword and stood ready so i sighed inwardly and got myself into stance as well. after this i never wanna see this fucking city again. 

i haven’t felt that close to death since childhood. it was very uncomfortable. they sent us out and i didn’t need a formal invitation to hightail it the fuck out. i cleared the so called Gates of Judgement, friendly name, and only then did i have to take a knee. gods above my body is heavy as shit suddenly. i held my side and my hand came away bloody. oh well that explains a few things. 

Fray

i was making my way back to our little camp when i came across that Viera, Ney, using his claymore as a walking stick trailing blood. quickly catching up to the hobbling man i sat him down to patch that up. “Now what in Fury’s name made you think to just keep walking instead of healing yourself? do you want a pack of wolves on you?” he grumbled at me to shut up and watched me tend to him. “Guess i owe you another one. i would’ve died if not for you at my back. where you headed? least i could do is make sure you get back home without these wounds reopening.” 

“Dravania.” You live in the dragon’s land? no wonder they think he’s a heretic. “I live wherever i wanna live for your information.” he’s a rather snappy man. there’s no doubt in my mind this impale wound was meant for me. even the angle it was spells fatal but somehow he’s still alive. escorting this man home truly is the least i can do. I should be dead. i don’t know why that’s weighing so heavily. “I’m feeling it too Fray....... a dance with death isn’t to be brushed off so easily.” He stood and puts his sword away. “and you don’t owe me shit. i took this wound so you could see that little girl grow up. no one should have to raise themselves.” Speaking from experience are we? it was silent as we made our way across the highlands and into Dravania. i dropped him at a place called Tailfeather with him insisting he could make the rest of the way, so i turned and went on my way. What a character, i wish him well.